Nothing More than a Simple Experiment
by eyebrow-extravaganza
Summary: It's safe to say that Eren's really confused. Of course, this isn't exactly the rarest occurrence - Eren knows he's not the brightest spark, and although he puts himself above some people intelligence-wise, he knows it doesn't take a lot to puzzle him. But then there's the matter of Levi and Hanji... And Eren is so very confused.


**A/N: Well, hello SNK fandom. I've been in this fandom since the start of the anime, but I hadn't actually written anything – until now that is. I was supposed to be innocently editing NTLL, and then somehow this happened – and I am ****_ashamed. _****I never realised I could write such perverted things… oops. Anyway, here's a story for y'all, that's kind of character development but also just for 'the lulz', because it's been an exam-full week and I needed to write some silliness. **

**Sooo…The rating's R15 I think, and that means the act of 'doing the do' is mentioned frequently but the 'doing' part isn't actually written. Sorry if that disappoints you, folks! The pairing is a group of 3, gulp – Hanji and Levi and Eren. It was just going to be LeviHan, but Eren just appeared and wrote the entire story based around himself. **

**Anyway, hope you enjoy this little one-shot - and any reviews, faves and the like are greatly appreciated. Heh, I'll shut up now and let you read. **

* * *

It's safe to say that Eren's really confused. Of course, this isn't exactly the rarest occurrence - Eren knows he's not the brightest spark, and although he puts himself above some people intelligence-wise (*cough Jean cough*) he knows it doesn't take a lot to puzzle him.

However.

There's a big difference between being confused, and being down right what-the-fuck-is-even-happening. Eren's experienced this feeling many times, of course; the predominant memory being the time where he, you know, _turned into his worst enemy. _Since then, the times he's felt that shocked have built up, and up, and up, and – well, you get the idea. Needless to say, Eren was almost used to being in a state of confusion – but this really was the icing on the proverbial cake.

"Brat, we haven't got all day. Strip."

And there's the source of his confusion. It stands in the form of Lance Corporal Levi, scowling impatiently and tapping his bare foot.

Which is as naked as the rest of him, save for a pair of boxers so tight Eren wants to cry.

See, Eren's used to seeing people naked. When you're in the military, it becomes a standard procedure – and although he'd rather not be presented with Jean's junk every time they all take a shower, he's learnt to get over the horror of nakedness. Until now, that is.

So, Levi's nearly naked. That in itself is enough to confuse Eren for the next 5 lifetimes, partly because he can't believe the stiff-lipped Corporal would lower himself to being that bare in front of his recruits – and partly because shamefully enough, Eren's enjoying the sight. All that smooth, pale skin, wide shoulders and downwards to – ahem. Anyway, Eren _would_ be less confused - if it wasn't for the second underwear-clad party currently bouncing excitedly behind Levi like a five year old.

Ah, did he forget to mention it was Squad Leader Hanji? Oops.

"C'mon Eren, the Corporal told you to strip, so get naked!" she orders gleefully and grabs Levi's shoulder for support as she finishes pulling off a sock, earning a grimace from Eren and a scornful huff from Levi. Eren doesn't know what to do.

"…Uh."

Because really, what is there to say in a situation like this? He'd been training innocently with Erd, when Petra had rushed over to him and babbled something about Corporal wanting to talk to him. Which, again, seemed innocent enough. He'd gone to the dungeon as instructed, which although wasn't their usual meeting place was not that out of the ordinary. What he hadn't expected, however, was to see both Squad Leader Hanji and Corporal Levi stripping themselves of their clothing. This in itself wasn't as strange as it could have been; everyone knew the two leaders had something together and Eren had presumed Petra had just mistaken the timings or something. He hadn't guaranteed on Hanji turning to Eren with a smile, gesturing for him to come in and Levi… well, glaring. And telling him to strip.

Which left them in their current situation.

"May I ask," Eren began cautiously, "why I have to… why you're… um, you know?"

Levi folds his arms crossly and steps closer to Eren, and Eren tries not to look down.

"Tch. Should have known you'd want answers. Look, I dislike this situation as much as you, but unfortunately for me Hanji's a Squad Leader, and I'm not in the mood to get kicked out of the military today," Levi drawled. "Listen up, you shit, because I'm only going to explain this once. You're a titan shifter. Hanji experiments on titans. She wants to know if there's anything different about the way you fuck," (Eren squirms at his harshness) "and figured she'd try it out first hand. I'm letting her, 'cause I don't give a fuck what she does for her gross 'experiments'. However," he begins, but is interrupted by Hanji shoving him aside and stepping closer to Eren with a look of scary intensity.

"_However_, someone suggested that you didn't like me in _that way_, so it'd be a bit rude of me to do stuff to – with – you," she says breezily. "So I had the great idea to include Levi in this experiment, 'cause we're together anyway and everyone knows you wanna do him!"

Eren inadvertently chokes on thin air.

"W-what!?" he gags, cheeks flushing furiously as he does anything but look into Levi's piercing stare.

"Don't deny it!~" Hanji sing-songs. "You admire him, right? And everyone knows the line between admiration and affection is virtually non-existent!"

"But I don't – I mean, I don't feel comfortable doing… _that,_" Eren splutters, gesturing awkwardly towards Levi's crotch area. The older man raises an eyebrow.

"Got a problem with _that_ part of me, brat? Don't think I'm good enough?" he says, and god damn him, he's _smirking._

Eren can feel his face turning even redder. "No sir! I'm, uh, sure you perform well – that is, I -"

"- Digging the hole deeper, Yaeger -"

"…Um." Eren stops himself with a hasty cough. "I'm sorry, sir. If you need me to do… _it_, for the good of humanity, I will."

_Remember your place, Eren. These are powerful people. Levi's powerful. And probably would be in bed- fuck, no, stop that train of thought right now! _

Levi frowns deeply. "Don't say that, shithead. I'm not a monster. I'm not going to force you to do something you're not willing to."

Hanji yelps, "Are you willing to?"

And Eren looks at the ground, and mumbles, and looks at the wall, and shuffles his feet, and - "No, Squad Leader Hanji, Corporal."

Hanji looks despairing, but Levi just shrugs. "Fair enough," he comments mildly, turning around swiftly to collect his clothes folded meticulously behind him. And Eren can't help but stare at his ass.

"Not willing, eh?" Hanji pouts, hands clawing down her face dramatically, but she soon turns away as well with a dejected air. "Ehh, it was worth a shot," she sighs resignedly, and Eren feels guilt pricking at his conscious.

At least, that's what he tells himself to excuse his next actions.

They're just preparing to leave, Hanji pulling open the door and flouncing out with one sleeve still dangling free of her arm and Levi following with dignity (how a man just standing in his boxers no more than five minutes ago in front of a young recruit, Eren doesn't know – but then, it is _Levi). _And Eren, chewing his lip awkwardly, shuffling his feet again and squirming when he blurts out,

"Wait!"

Hanji's by his side almost a second later.

"Aaaah! Did you change your mind? Oh, please, tell me you did –"

"Shut up, four-eyes. Let the wishy-washy moron speak for himself," Levi comments dryly from his position in the doorway. He shuts the door with a careless flick of his wrist, and then he's slowly making his way over to Eren, seeming disinterested but still watching the younger boy with those narrowed, suspicious eyes.

Eren sweats nervously under the attention he's receiving. "Well, Corporal – and Squad Leader – I guess… I would be willing to comply. And not just for the sake of humanity and experimentation," he corrects himself hastily when Levi opens his mouth to lecture him again, "it's because… I want to help you! And like you said, admiration is the same as affection."

There's an awkward pause, and Eren mumbles "That's what you said, right?"… And then Hanji's jumping on him in glee and Eren's nearly bowled over.

"Oh, thank you Eren! Ah, this will be so exciting!" She's turning away from him now, de-clothing frantically while grinning at Levi. "D'you think he'll react? Maybe he'll turn into a titan! Ooh, this room's big enough, too -"

" –It's a dungeon," Levi states distastefully.

"- Exactly! Oh, and what if his titan side develops romantic feelings for you!" she raves, and Eren starts to wonder if he'll regret this. However, at Levi's pointed look, he begins to strip himself reluctantly until he's hovering awkwardly in his boxers. Soon, they're all in their underwear, and Hanji's the first to move.

"Right! So, I'm just going to observe – you two feel free to go at it like rabbits," she grins, and Levi huffs.

"If you're just going to be a voyeur, then why the fuck are you one clothing item away from being naked?" he mutters. She says nothing, just punches his arm with a flirtatious smile and Levi rolls his eyes. Eren feels like a bit of a third wheel at this point, and it's only when the Corporal turns to him with a determined stare that he straightens up from his slouch.

"Yaeger. Are you clean?"

"…Sorry, sir?"

"You heard what I said. I'm asking if you're clean – I don't want you sticking yourself in me if you're as dirty as your mind is."

"Sir, my mind is not dirty," Eren grumbles almost childishly.

"Oi, Eren, just answer him," Hanji whines.

"I'm clean!" Eren almost snaps, but shrinks into himself as Levi stalks towards him. He's pinned against the wall, hands flailing helplessly as Levi pulls his head down with one hand to crush his mouth against the younger one's. Eren knows he's inexperienced, but tries his best as he pushes back determinedly. Levi gives a startled grunt, but retaliates soon enough, and his fingers thread themselves through Eren's hair in a firm grip. They begin a sort of pushing-pulling kissing regime, and although Eren can hear Hanji mumbling in the background – "Ah, could that be his inner titan asserting dominance there? Interesting…" – he ignores it in favour of winding his arms round Levi's bare torso.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

* * *

"That was… not as interesting as I thought it would be," Hanji mutters. Levi turns to her with an irritated glare, and she pulls him to her chest with a chuckle. "Hey, I didn't say it wasn't _good!_ I just meant I didn't get any valid results."

"Your valid result can be me telling you to go fuck yourself. I'm not doing that shit again," Levi grumbles. "The boy is inexperienced as fuck. Had no idea what he was doing, the cretin."

"Yeah… and it turns out he's no different than any other hormonal teenage boy during sex," Hanji sighs heavily, and glances towards Eren. "Eh, Eren, you all right? I know Levi's a little intense, but he enjoyed it, I promise! And next time, maybe we'll get better results, eh?"

Levi scowls at her insinuations, but turns his sights on the titan shifter anyway.

Their only reply is a soft, weary groan, and Levi lets his eyes slide shut with a disapproving huff.

It's safe to say that Eren's still really confused.

* * *

**A/N: Don't look at me. I'm sorry /lies down**


End file.
